Refuge in Grief

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore…

–Psalm 46:1-2a

The marquee, at the entrance of a Baptist church daycare center where I took my firstborn, featured the above words from Psalm 46. Every single word penetrated my heart, soul, and mind—God/our/refuge/ strength/ present help/trouble/therefore… The marquee was like the burning bush—every day it must have presented a Scripture verse and yet on this day, I noticed. I noticed, thanks to the Holy Spirit. And wouldn’t you know, I even memorized it, chapter and verse! A first for me!

All these many years, I find myself silently reciting this verse throughout the day. The very word, refuge, conjures up images of warm sunshine or shade, comfort, and protection, being in my grandmother’s Naomi verdant backyard and being near to the very heart of God. What is about this six letter word that leads me to believe, whatever the circumstances, that we are all in God safekeeping?

It was fascinating to discover while reading a book on spirituality that refuge implies “knowledge of sorrow”. Personal and communal knowledge of sorrow shakes us to our core and stills us with fear, vulnerability, and yearning for the ways things were. In such times of sorrow, God knows, even before we ask, that we need God’s shelter, protection, and safekeeping. In God’s refuge, we are granted renewed authenticity where we scream out our anger, weep without judgment, and often be blessed with memories and insights eliciting the healing art of laughter. Where do people find such refuge?

One woman, after the deaths of her husband and son within a few years, found daily refuge at a lake close to her home. Close to those waters, she felt close to God and the important men in her life. She prayed, read, and sat in comforting silence and beauty.
One man finds refuge on his tractor in the middle of his chestnut grove. He says it is the only place he can simply be. Of course, he still desperately misses his wife and hearing her British accent. Yet it is on that tractor in that field that he experiences sacred peace.
For me, refuge was found sitting in a green velvet wing-backed chair in the early hours before anyone else was awake. Some days I would cry those honest prayers. Other days I would I would write out things that I wanted to hand over to God. And every day I would read a Psalm paraphrased by Leslie F. Brandt in his book, Psalms Now.
Recently, after taking refuge in that chair for over 30 years, I decided I needed a new one. My two daughters were semi-traumatized by my decision and in perfect harmony, they said, “Mom! You can’t! Get it recovered!” Ahhh, children will lead us to wisdom!

For you…..where do you take refuge? Describe its importance to you and others so we can lift you in prayer and expand our understanding of God’s gift of refuge.